The Truth About Self Care

Self Care. As mothers, we hear those words a lot. Everywhere I turn I see a new post offering tips for fitting self-care time into your schedule, ideas on different self-care activities, and reasons why self-care is so important.

This is probably going to raise some brows, but,

I actually think the underlying tone of most modern self care advice is unhealthy.

Now before you say I’m crazy, hear me out.

What many of the self-care tips convey, is that our happiness is based on something.

I feel that the message we are being told tells us, “You need this to be fulfilled”, or, “You need this to have a full life”.

The other day I typed into the Google search bar, “Self Care Ideas for Moms.” My search resulted in answers very similar to these:

Take a Bubble Bath.

Go for a Long Walk.

Have Your Hubby Take the Kids and Plan a Night Out.

Read a Book.

Get Your Nails Done.

Get Your Hair Done.

Buy a New Outfit.

And many more along the same lines.

I don’t know about you, but I never feel fulfilled after taking a quiet bath. This is where I think self care is misleading. Don’t get me wrong, I love a nice quiet bath. My husband makes them up for me, complete with bubbles, candles, and strategically placed towels to make sure I’m comfy. He plays with our daughter while I read and soak. And afterward, I feel so relaxed and so rested.

But that is it. I don’t feel fulfilled as a  mother after a long bath. 

I don’t feel like my tank is full after I buy a new dress.

The message I hear from most self care advice puts this false idea into our minds that we will be happy if we only had a certain thing. Whether that be quiet time, or splurging money, or whatever else. 

It ignores the fact that when we search for happiness in physical things, we will come up empty every time. The happiness that is offered in material things is only temporary, and can not last. It can not offer you true joy.

Want to know why? The truth is, joy is something that you can never find anywhere but within yourself.

True happiness is a choice. 

It’s a choice that says, “I am grateful for where I am, for what I have, and for the family I get to call mine.”

Now let me clarify that I do believe it is important to take some time to pursue things that you enjoy. Have a hobby, or something that you are passionate about and spend time pursuing it.

Schedule some time, maybe before the kiddos are up and have a quiet moment to yourself to read.

Celebrate your wins, whether they be big or small.

Finished Spring cleaning? Spend some time on that DIY you’ve been dying to try.

Stayed under budget this month? Go grab yourself a cup of coffee.

Take some time every once in a while to break free from the normal, and do something that both excites and motivates you. 

This. This is good. But it doesn’t constitute a fulfilled and happy life.

And that is where I find a problem with self-care.

No thing can give you a full life. It’s all about you, and the attitude you have towards your life.

So may I suggest Mama, that you do take the time to do something you really want to do. Something that will refresh you and energize you.

But don’t look to find your happiness there.

Look inside yourself and choose it. 

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