That Negative Thing We Do When We Feel Insecure

We’re going to take a second and talk about negative attitudes. I’ve noticed something lately, and perhaps you have too.

Negativity.

Can’t you just feel it everywhere?

It seems that everyone has something negative to say to any and all situations.

You probably do not have the same experience as I do, but I am sure you have felt this to at least some extent.

It seems that we as people, especially mothers, tend to compare ourselves to others. We measure our worth, our ability, up against everyone else.

We let ourselves feel a little like a failure when we see someone else in a (perceived) better place than we are.

They look successful. Like they have it all together. We look back at our own lives and feel like failures.

It’s almost as if we feel we are less of a person because we are not up to par with everyone else.

What follows is our natural tendency to try and bring ourselves to their level… which, in all honesty, means bringing them down and making them feel like their accomplishments or choices are meaningless.

It makes us feel better about ourselves.

Here is my scenario.

I (sometimes literally) bump into a friend I haven’t seen in a while. We exchange a greeting.

Friend asks how I have been, how the family is, or something like that.

I answer, something along the lines of, “We’re doing really well, how are you all doing?”

They answer, and a little more chit-chat ensues.

Sometime during the conversation, Friend asks me a question. Maybe about what I am planning on doing for the weekend.

I excitedly tell them about the plan to take our little family camping. My husband and I love being outside and feel it is important to share that with Little-Bit.

Friend usually asks how exactly that works with a baby.

To which I explain.

The following answer I get is either one of two things. A *high-five*, “that is great!” sort of thing, or, more often a negative, “well you can only do that because you have a really laid-back kid.”

…

What am I supposed to say to that?

Yes, my daughter is very laid-back. She is a happy, sweet, contented little girl, and I know that makes it so much easier for us to bring her outside and share adventures with her.

I am grateful for that.

But basically, I am being told that I wouldn’t be able to have an outdoorsy life with my kiddo if I didn’t have an “easy” baby.

Ok.

So I kind of chuckle and agree that she is easygoing, and try to reiterate how important it is to us to take our kids outside. I try to explain that even if she wasn’t so content all the time we would still make a conscious effort to take her outside because that is something we want to do. Regardless of whether or not it is easy or hard.

I walk away from our little accidental meet-up a little discouraged.

My husband and I have been so thrilled with how much we have been able to share our love for nature with Little-Bit.

Now I feel as though it’s nothing to be happy with. Nothing to be proud of.

After all, the efforts my husband and I make to continue hiking, camping, and enjoying the outdoors along with Little-Bit aren’t really anything all that great, because we have an easy baby.

Anyone would be doing what we do if they had an easy baby.

These are some of the negative things I hear all the time.

“You want a home birth? Don’t you know how many things can go wrong with labor and delivery? What are you going to do if something happens and you’re not at the hospital?”

“Oh, you say you want a lot of kids now. You just wait until you have a few more, you won’t be saying the same thing then.”

“You have an easy baby. If you had a hard one you would wish you had more time to yourself.”

“What do you mean you want to limit how many toys your kids have? Kids need toys, it helps them learn.”

“You want a natural birth? You sure won’t when you’re in labor.”

“Your kid already sleeps through the night. You have no idea what tired actually feels like.”

Sometimes when I am having a hard day I find myself letting these same types of thoughts creep up into the back of my mind. I’ll start trying to make myself feel better about how things are in my life, by making excuses for myself and invalidating others accomplishments.

I might see a mom who is doing really well in her home business and begin to feel bad for myself because I am not doing as well as she is. I don’t celebrate with her in her accomplishments, and instead of congratulating her for all her hard work and dedication I excuse it all away by saying something like, “Oh, well of course, she is doing well. She doesn’t dedicate enough time to her children, so of course she has more time to spend building her business. If I didn’t spend as much time with my kid, then I would be in the same spot she is.”

Don’t tear yourself down by feeling inadequate as a mother just because your kiddo still happens to be in diapers. Every child is different!

Reality is everyone is different. My skills, beliefs, abilities, and lifestyle are going to be different from anyone else’s.

Maybe she is just better at time management than I am.

That is ok.

Maybe she is more business savvy than I am.

That is ok too.

The choices she is making are the right ones for her and her family. 

Maybe, just maybe, what’s right for me and mine is a little different.

That is ok.

I just want to encourage everyone to be a little more positive.

Remember that every family has different needs and different struggles. Different wrongs and different rights.

If someone is celebrating the fact that their child is already potty trained, let’s celebrate with them! Don’t give a negative comeback.

Don’t tear yourself down by feeling inadequate as a mother just because your kiddo still happens to be in diapers. Every child is different!

And let’s certainly not belittle the work and effort this mama put into potty training her baby. It took work. Maybe it was less work for her than it’ll be for you and your child, but it was still work nonetheless.

There’s no need to be negative and make her feel like less of a mama because she had it a little easier than you do.

Let’s all try to come alongside one another and build each other up. Talk about our differences and share wisdom, encourage and support one another.

Do it in a positive way. A kind way. And a loving way. I think the world would be much better off for it.

Here’s to positivity and encouragement!

~N